A patient complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night.
“Before it happens, do you see any dreams?” the doctor said.
“Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, ‘Let’s pee.”
“OK,” the doctor said. “Next time you see the demon, say, “No, we’ve already peed.”
Next time the patient came to the doctor, the latter asked, “So? Did you do as I said?
“Yes, I did.”
“Did it help?”
“Yes, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse.”
“How?”
“As I said ‘We’ve already peed,’ the demon nodded and said, ‘Then, let’s shit a little.”
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Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams.
Now what should he do?
Santa said, “Send her some flowers and a card and invite her for a home-cooked meal.”
Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.
The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.
Banta: “It was a flop idea.”
Santa: Didn’t the girl come to your house?
Banta: She did, but she refused to cook!
A man goes to his therapist to have a dream interpreted.
He tells the doctor that he was dreaming of eating a big meal. A seven course meal. He started with the soup and was going to move onto the salad next. As he finished his soup and put his spoon down the bowl refilled itself by magic. He again finished the soup and again the bowl refilled itself. Every time he finished the soup and tried to move onto the salad he could not. He asked his doctor what the hidden meaning was.
The doctor’s reply: “It only proves that you cannot change courses in the middle of a dream.”
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and “poof,” a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, “I will grant each of you one wish.”
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, “I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer.”
The genie granted the man’s wish and disappeared.
The man’s companion turned to him and said, “Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat.”
